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Life of a 'glassy'..... |
 Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 9:15 am |
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| Aye aye folks!
Typed this up today and thought maybe some of you could relate to it. Enjoy boys and girls. Darren 
As i touched on in a previous entry,picking up glasses and cleaning up after drunk,annoying people at work is monotonous and soul destroying; a lethal cocktail that if taken in high quantities will leave you craving the next passing car,rope or bridge. However - this need not be social suicide. As a glassy you have the tools to tackle anything that comes your way. From sick to semen - i have it covered. Here's my tips to 'surviving happy hours' - 'The Mop': A classic time waster that can be used to mop up spillages, shake your hips to (insert shit song here) and look up girls skirts whilst drying the stairs. If cornered by pill popping trendies,try fending them off with jabbing and swinging motions. Remember what 'Kung Fu Panda' taught you. 'The Sweeper': The most social of glassy weapons. After you have ushered groups of people off the dance floor,to get to any breakages,like some sort of broken glass paramedic - 'Sorry guys - we've lost another one.We did all we could do' - try heading out side and sweeping up ciggerette butts. This gives you the opportunity to chat to the attractive door girl,talk to the security about how shit your job is and waste a good twenty minutes. Why not try using the side of the brush to knock in some butts. It creates more of a challenge and the butt jumps into the pan satisfyingly. 'The Damp Cloth': This may be used to go behind the bar and pretend for a second you actually belong there,serving drinks. Gives you a chance to engage in two second chats to anyone that will listen and may also act as a pit stop for a glass of water. Try wiping tables clockwise. Then anti clockwise. Mix it up and have fun! Bending over for girls in the hope of a grope is mandotory. 'The Tray': The quint essential,classic tool for any glassy. This tray may be carried in a variety of ways to avoid the bustling crowd. Above your head is the easiest option. This avoids smashing punters heads in. Pick up a glass to add to your collection. Stack them,place them side to side - the options are endless! Why not try pouring ice into your bucket? The noise is electric. This also gives the impression that you are doing some work. A great smoke screen that is a blessing when passing duty managers. 'The will to live': A very important tool to any glassy and something they don't teach you in class. This is a state of mind as well as a valuble asset. Sadly - last year, 37 glassies took their own lives.One bright college student was found, head first, drowned in a bucket of vomit and blood. A reminder of the the troubles and hard ships these young men put themselves through every weekend. However - it isn't all hard work. There is always time for play. Why not try these fun games out next shift............. The 60 second game: When doing a lap round the club keep an eye on the clock. Feel the momentary satisfaction when you start a lap on the minute,and get back to the same spot exactly a minute later. Riveting and rewarding. Guess the song game: A bit of a stab in the dark but since the Stocky only plays the same four songs the chances of a correct guess are reasonably good. The eye contact game: Try and catch the eye of some emotional drunk girl. Hopefully she will call you over and engage in chat. This rarely happens. The odd smile is the most you can wish for. As the early hours draw to a close,the last of the drunks stagger out for a kebab and a head count is taken to see how many glassies made it through, i drop my weapons and head for the door. I burrow through the drunks in Mcdonalds to grab a quick coffee before my late night bus and head for home. I instantly forget about the hours before and lay down to rest. I dream of a world without glasses. A world without chart music. And a world without weapons of mass cleanliness. Dreams can become reality. Time is a great healer. But time currently - is all that stands in my way. |
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