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FEMALE TIPS REQUIRED: How to deal with parents... |
 Posted: Thu Feb 5, 2009 9:07 am |
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Freakgirl0789 has requested that we put together a small guide on how girls should deal with parents when chatting about their travels / gap year plans. Request was here: http://www.gapyear.com/boards/index.php?op=vt&c=4&f=10&t=393734&o=0#394055 - Do you have any tips you can share? - If so, please either post them below or email me - tom@gapyear.com subject title: Tips for girls! We need loads here so we can make a big, free to download pdf guide - so don't hold back!! Thanks loads and thanks Freakgirl for your suggestion...we're on it! 
- Tom --------------- Tom Griffiths Founder gapyear.com |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 205 Posts |
| Posted: Thu Feb 5, 2009 9:37 am |
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| i found that perservience and alot of planning helps the parents.
People arnt going to just say ooh ok i see your point and everyone keeps telling me im going tio be attacked or worse! This has worked so far - involving parents in planning - taking mum along to book the tickets.. accomapnied by an impartial friend! - a rough itenary of whats going to happen and what coountries etc - knowing that im going to meet a few people from here at some point - giving in and promising to go on one tour in china as a compromise between completly independent and tours the whole time! |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 1404 Posts |
| Posted: Thu Feb 5, 2009 9:51 am |
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| I dont think anything will stop my mam worrying but I try to put her mind at ease by:
Letting her know what my starting plans are and as these grow when I'm away I'll be keeping everyone in the loop. I'm going to self defence classes before I leave. Doing Oz Intro when I first get there and meeting people up with people from Gapyear before. Promising not to go to Thailand alone. (she has a thing about Thailand) |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 1358 Posts |
| Posted: Thu Feb 5, 2009 10:29 am |
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Promising not to go to Thailand alone. (she has a thing about Thailand) Mine too! My mum and dad in the past have been just pretending its not happening, but the past couple of months since seeing me really save up and starting to plan things, they ask a shit load of questions. I think just reassuring them I have got an actual plan and am not just grabbing a bag and headin for the hills has helped too. And showing my dad the amount of safety measures you can take - padlocks, money belts etc, and how to manage money while on the other side of the world has been good. Basically a mature approach rather than the old 'i'm doin it so there' is helpful. Mum needs to know I'm planned and can get in touch, and dad just needs to know i'm actively avoiding being killed... Introducing them to people I know who have done it and showing them pictures/travel blogs has really showed them how popular backpacking is, not like it was when they were younger anymore! 
And I'm sure closer to the time, buying a webcam for the house (and teaching them how to use it...) will be a good idea. That was prob all hopeless but I suppose it works - the rents attitudes have definatel changed! Laura x |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 177 Posts |
| Posted: Thu Feb 5, 2009 12:21 pm |
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| My parents were both alot happier when I bought a pre-paid phone card, as it meant that even if I lost all my money etc, I could still call home!
It also helped to go through all the "safety aspects" of my trip with them before I left - because they knew what I would do in my worst-case-scenarios, they were somewhat reassured that I wasn't wandering off in a lamb-to-the-slaughter situation. |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 3099 Posts |
| Posted: Thu Feb 5, 2009 1:16 pm |
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| This is such a fantastic idea! My parents are so unhappy with the idea of me going away, especially as I'm going to South Africa. They're convinced that I'm going to be gang raped and/or mugged. I'm leaving in three weeks and still haven't explained to them exactly what I'm doing...I know this sounds bad, but I'm so scared of telling my Dad because when I tried last time he flipped out.....he is really old fashioned and thinks travelling is a waste of time - i should be getting on with a career etc etc. Don't think he'll ever understand. Anyway, I'll definately take these ideas on board and sit them down within the next few days with my itinery and explain to them safety measures etc.
Self defence - very good idea! bit too late for me now, but good thinking! I think I'm going to send them a text every day or every other day when in SA telling them where I am and where I'm staying that night just to reassure them... |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 12 Posts |
| Posted: Thu Feb 5, 2009 7:17 pm |
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| ive involved my mum in every stage of my travel plans. Ive always wanted to travel though so I think she knows theres no stopping me.
I constantly talk about my plans, and what ive been finding out including what ive found out on here. Infact I think I talk about it too much that I have now bored her so she just goes yeah, yeah, yeah lol She only has a few rules like "there is no way in this gods earth that you are going to Zimbabwe"  I thought Id stick with that. I didnt fancy it much either though. She also agrees with the whole going with a company first time round.
Other than that I know that before I go I am going to have to listen to a huge big lecture on getting sunburnt. (I burn super easily) This is a good topic |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 208 Posts |
| Posted: Thu Feb 5, 2009 10:42 pm |
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| This is something iv had so much trouble with! My mam has accepted that im going once i have enough money, but she still isnt happy with a few things.
she doesnt want me to go alone - suggesting endless lists of people that a.i would never dream of going with or b.would never dream of going themselves, every time i mention the topic of travel. She seems to have a big problem with me going to Thailand, but has no problem with me going to Oz
Iv involved her as much as i can. But to be honest i talk about my plans so much now at home/work/to friends that i think by the time i actually step on the plane everyone will be glad to see me go!!!! Sitting down and going through 'safety aspects' like freakgirl0798 suggested is a good idea. i think i will try that. Sa x |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 124 Posts |
| Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:01 pm |
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| I've travelled before, but my parents still worry, especially about me having enough money.
Best travel tip? Lie to them, and don't show them the pictures of you doing vaguely risky/silly things until you get home. Mum - but you jumped into the sea from the rock, how did you know it was safe??? Me - Um, other people were doing it too? |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 501 Posts |
| Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:14 pm |
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| never ever ever send an email to home saying you are down to your last $20 and cant afford to eat and sleep for the next 2 weeks when your flights leaves, that you have no Credit Card, no emergency money and no way of them getting money to you...and dont say at the end - dont worry about me I'll be fine I'll try and get flight dates changed - because you will get a reply to your email which will say something like 'Ok' thats doesnt mean everything is - everything is/was far from ok when I finally arrived home - so if your in the shit but can actually sort it out yourself dont worry them like that | |
| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 484 Posts |
| Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2009 3:09 pm |
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| My parents are appalled by how much I travel and that I won't stay in a 'normal job' as I like to temp so I can travel as much as I can. The thing that I try to do each trip is learn a bit of the language which makes my mum worry a bit less. I've done South America a few times and alway do at least a week language course before I go off so my Spanish is getting better and Dad likes it as I tell him it is putting something useful on my CV for the future when I eventually settle down - no chance!
So really, I always do at least the first week on a course (usually language but I just did kitesurfing too which was awesome) or a tour so parents know I'm going to meet people so they don't just think I'm going to pitch up on my own. Safety in numbers and all that stuff that parents love. |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 7 Posts |
| Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 11:07 pm |
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| how did you find our strange country ?
(I have travelled but would never live anywhere else) I want to enable my daughter to travel someday (only 15 yrs now). I would love some advice on how to educate/mature/help/assist a young lady on stepping out of the closeted boundaries that her life is at the moment. Happy Thoughts A concerned but opened minded father. |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 1 Posts |
| Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 12:36 pm |
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| I never consulted my parents about any of this trip, I just booked it and then told them afterwards that I was packing my job in! I don't think it's as bad for me as I'm 24 and have lived away from home before but in all honestly, if I was planning to do this trip when I was 18/19, I wouldn't have coped as I wouldn't be mature enough and had never been independant!
The main concern with my Dad is that I'm going alone and if something happens, I can't contact them and they can't contact me, so to make them feel a lot more happier I sat down with them gave them both the OzIntro pack to read which explained that I will be in a group for a week and will be getting a SIM card and gave them both my new Hotmail address that I've set up. Also, I am always known to forget something so to not worry my mum, I've made a list of everything I need to take from paperwork to pants and I've let her have a copy so when she's out an about - if she sees anything I need that isn't on the list, then she will pick it up for me. I've discovered that I have some random kind of relations in Oz too so I've told my parents that I will give them my number, just incase. (I think they are my auntie's cousins or something?!) |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 28 Posts |
| Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 5:34 pm |
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| oh loving this topic!!!
didnt realise that alot of other people would have a mum like mine haha! even when i went to turkey on a week beach holiday the first thing she said was ''its filthy, youll probably catch malaria'' i was like....o..k...! so anyways, im off to thailand next year blabla.... went down VERY well! but in all seriousness, i think we all need to remember that ''travelling'' as we see it,didnt really happen when our parents were our age (mine are nearly 60) so its new to them and with all stuff on the news every week about countries with bombs and rioting and wars etc, you gotta expect a negative response back to start with just coz they care! i suppose its different for me as my trip i'll be with my boyfriend...so my first argument was, well, it could be worse, i could be going alone... and my mum agreed and realised ill be safee than most girls as i'll be with my man literally the whole time, and if anything happened to one of us the other can always quickly make contact or knows our whereabouts. i think like said before, its them realising that your taking it seriously and not just packing a bag with a one way flight....when mine gets nearer i plan to get them involved, showing them ive researched and know my visas, what jabs i needs, transport etc, embassy info so hopefully they should be impressed by that! i think self defence is a brilliant idea , i might let mum buy me that as my birthday gift before i go
oh and doing one of those online blog things too...least then if you cant always get to a phone or cant afford to do it all the time, you can update a blog every few days so they can sit and home and read your plans, i cant wait to do that! |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 164 Posts |
| Posted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 3:15 pm |
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My parents were both alot happier when I bought a pre-paid phone card, as it meant that even if I lost all my money etc, I could still call home!
Ooo where did you get one of those? That sounds like a good idea! The fact im travelling on my own is what worried my Mum the most i think. But as Jordy says even if it was under the best circumstances your Mum would still worrie as thats what they do. The fact the first leg of my travels is booked through Real Gap working at an orphange for 2 months really put her and my own minds at rest as we both then know i have somewhere to stay food to eat and an itinery and other people with me. If i was going on my own for this i really dont think things would look so good. Involving my Mum in all my plans really helped to i show her other posts on websites and diarys and articles of other girls who travel on their own or with a few friends. My friend also travlled on her own to Oz so that helps to. I've also taught my Mu how to use the internet and set her up an email address and shown her how to use MSN so we can stay in contact abroad this is going to make out lives so much easier! (next stop facebook mum!) |
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| Back to top | Location: Unknown | 67 Posts |
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